[5 min read]
In this article:
- Too often, discussing men’s wellness fails to address the messages men and boys receive that they should be stoic, a provider and not acknowledge when they are struggling.
- These outdated paradigms can severely limit the ability of men to adapt and grow and can deprive boys of developing a healthy self-image.
- Reaching out for support from friends, family, a faith community, or a mental health provider is the first step to a new vision for men’s health that reassures us that we are stronger together.
- A Providence Swedish behavioral health expert shares some guidance for new ways of connecting with the men and boys in our lives.
In today's rapidly evolving society, the way we communicate plays a crucial role in shaping the development and well-being of boys and men. Traditional approaches to masculinity often emphasize stoicism, emotional suppression, and the prioritization of physical strength over emotional intelligence.
These outdated paradigms can severely limit the ability of men to adapt and grow and can deprive boys of developing a healthy self-image. According to the American Psychological Association, the practice of teaching boys to downplay their emotions often leads to increased risks of depression and anxiety. Moreover, research from the University of Pittsburgh indicates that boys who conform to rigid gender roles are more likely to exhibit lower academic performance and have difficulty forming meaningful interpersonal relationships.
By changing our approaches to communication we can create environments that encourage boys and men to express themselves freely and engage in open dialogues about their feelings and challenges. Encouraging emotional expression and vulnerability can enhance social skills, foster empathy, and build resilience.
To learn more, we spoke with Brandon Matsumiya, PhD, a psychologist at Providence Swedish’s Edmonds Pediatric Clinic, who offered some thoughts and guidance on how we can offer a new model for connecting with the men and boys in our lives.
What does the current model of traditional masculinity look like, in your view?
As a professional who works with youth, I see how important it is that young men and boys talk about what “men’s health” means to them exactly. For many of our generation and older generations, men’s health (especially mental health) was being stoic; being a provider; and not acknowledging when we are struggling. We have all grown up hearing stories or experiencing being told “that’s rough” for something heart breaking and believing that is supposed to be enough. Whereas if we showed our humanity and struggles; we were shamed, doubted, or told we were not “man enough.”
How is it affecting men and boys and their ability to express themselves and their feelings?
Because of this context, I have seen many fathers struggle with being present with their children or modeling the love they want to give their children and family. I have seen and experienced friendships with other men end as our struggles increased, and it was harder to pretend we were ok. I have seen many young men question if they are enough because they are not big enough, not smart enough, or are just “too weak” because they acknowledge they have emotions other than anger and happiness. I have also seen so many men bury these insecurities in substances or taking risks to “prove” they are a man rather than admit they are in pain.
What can we do to make changes in how we approach connecting with men and boys?
Our children deserve a better future of what men’s health can be. One where we as adults show them that it is ok to reach out to our friends to check in on them, or that we sometimes need to take a day off. Where we can model for our children what an apology looks like to our loved ones, and how that makes us more of a man than trying to pretend we were right the whole time. Where we can cry, reach out to others for support and admit we are not ok and may even need professional support.
This may be a radical change for many of us or contrary to the ways we were raised and if we want to heal the generational trauma we have as men, it starts with us. We can take the first courageous step to acknowledge our emotions, and our humanity by telling our spouse, partner, or friend that we are not ok. That we are lonely and want more connection, or need that time alone.
We can tell our children or other young folks in our lives that men are able to talk about their feelings. Or that having those emotions, both big and small, does not mean they are weak. It means they are strong enough to acknowledge that they need help and support. Reaching out for support from our families, faith community, a mental health provider, or even friends, is the first step to a new vision of men’s health where we are stronger together.
Learn more and find a physician or advanced practice clinician (APC)
If you are looking for help managing holiday stress or learning to deal with holiday stress, support is available at Providence Swedish Behavioral Health. Whether you require an in-person visit or want to consult a doctor virtually, you have options. You can also connect virtually with your provider to review your symptoms, provide instruction and follow up as needed. And with Swedish ExpressCare Virtual you can receive treatment in minutes for common conditions such as colds, flu, urinary tract infections, and more. You can use our provider directory to find a specialist or primary care physician near you.
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Related resources
Behavioral health for the next generation | Swedish Foundation
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This information is not intended as a substitute for professional medical care. Always follow your healthcare professional's instructions.
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