[6 min read]
In this article:
- Attachment theory was originaly developed to demonstrate the ways in which infants connect (or do not connect) with their mothers.
- Social media has sparked new interest in the theory and its influence on our romantic lives.
- A Providence Swedish behavioral health expert sheds some light on Attachment theory and ways it can serve as a lens on our behavior and emotional well-being. Learn more.
Does the thought of conflict with your partner make you nervous? Or does the very idea of having a partner have you looking for the exit? Blame your attachment style.
Most of us have seen social media videos explaining Attachment theory’s affect our relational patterns. Originally conceived to understand the intense distress experienced by children separated from their caregivers, the theory laid the groundwork for a broader understanding of emotional development.
Attachment theory has surged in popularity recently, fueled by an Internet audience eager to explore interpersonal dynamics. And despite criticism of Attachment theory’s rigid categorization of human behavior, it remains a hot topic in popular psychology circles.
Here, Janarthan Sivaratnam, Ph.D, a psychologist with Providence Swedish South Lake Union Primary Care offers some insights into Attachment theory and how its applications can be a useful lens for discussions of our relationships and emotional well-being.
What is Attachment theory, and who developed it?
Attachment theory is a psychological framework that explains how humans form emotional bonds and relationships, especially in early childhood. It focuses on how the early interactions between a child and their primary caregiver (usually a parent) shape the child's expectations and behaviors in relationships throughout life.
John Bowlby, a British psychologist and psychoanalyst, is the primary developer of Attachment theory. He formulated the theory in the mid-20th century while researching the impacts of growing up without parental figures. Mary Ainsworth, an American-Canadian developmental psychologist and a close collaborator of Bowlby, significantly expanded the theory. She developed the "Strange Situation" experiment, which helped demonstrate the four different attachment styles with infants.
The theory is guided by four attachment styles where children develop different attachment styles based on the responsiveness of their caregivers. These include:
- Secure attachment
- Avoidant attachment
- Ambivalent (or anxious) attachment
- Disorganized attachment (added later by researchers)
How does Attachment theory explain the bond between a child and their caregiver?
According to the theory, babies are born with behaviors (like crying or reaching) that are designed to keep their caregiver close, especially in times of distress. When caregivers respond consistently and sensitively, the child develops a secure attachment, forming a mental model that others are dependable and that they are worthy of care. This early relationship serves as a foundation for emotional development and future relationships. However, if the caregiver is inconsistent, unresponsive, or frightening, the child may develop an insecure attachment, leading to difficulties with trust and emotional regulation later in life.
Some key Attachment theory points to keep in mind:
- Children seek a secure base to feel safe and explore the world.
- Caregiver responsiveness shapes the child’s sense of trust and self-worth.
- Different attachment styles emerge based on the caregiver’s behavior: secure, avoidant, anxious, or disorganized.
- These early experiences influence future relationships, emotional health, and coping skills.
How does it explain dynamics in adult platonic and romantic relationships?
Attachment theory explains adult platonic and romantic relationship dynamics by suggesting that the emotional patterns formed in early childhood—based on how caregivers responded to a person's needs—carry into adulthood. These patterns shape how individuals view themselves, relate to others, and handle intimacy, conflict, and dependence in both friendships and romantic partnerships. According to the theory, adults tend to develop attachment styles that mirror their childhood experiences, which influence how they form and maintain relationships. Attachment styles manifest in the following ways:
- Secure attachment.These individuals are comfortable with emotional closeness, trust others, and can both depend on others and be dependable. They tend to have healthy, stable relationships and good communication.
- Anxious (Preoccupied) attachment. These adults often worry about being rejected or abandoned. They may become overly dependent, seek constant reassurance, and fear that others don't value them as much as they value others.
- Avoidant (Dismissive) attachment. These individuals often prioritize independence and may resist closeness or emotional vulnerability. They can seem distant, have difficulty trusting others, and often downplay the importance of relationships.
- Disorganized (Fearful-Avoidant) attachment. These adults may desire close relationships but also fear getting hurt. They often have mixed behaviors—wanting connection but pushing others away—due to unresolved early trauma or inconsistent caregiving.
It's important to keep in mind that while these patterns are shaped early in life, they’re not fixed—attachment styles can change through self-awareness, therapy, and secure relationships with others.
What are some behaviors related to the main attachment styles?
This is by no means an exhaustive list, but some behaviors/tendencies you might see in yourself or others depending on the type of attachment style that is currently internalized:
- Secure attachment. Comfortable with intimacy and independence, openly expresses feelings, seeks support when needed, trusts others, and handles conflict constructively.
- Anxious (Ambivalent) attachment. Often worries about being abandoned, seeks constant reassurance, may appear clingy or overly dependent, fears rejection, and can be emotionally reactive.
- Avoidant attachment. Prefers emotional distance, struggles with vulnerability, avoids closeness or deep emotional conversations, values self-reliance, and may suppress feelings.
- Disorganized attachment. Exhibits mixed or contradictory behaviors, desires closeness but also fears it, may act confused or anxious in relationships, and sometimes displays unpredictable or erratic responses to intimacy.
What strategies can we use to develop healthier attachment styles in our personal relationships?
Individuals can develop healthier attachment styles in their personal relationships by increasing self-awareness and actively working to change unhelpful emotional patterns. One key strategy is engaging in therapy or counseling, where the clinician can help you understand your history and build new ways of relating/rewriting your internal script.
Additionally, practicing emotional regulation, such as mindfulness or journaling, can help manage anxiety or withdrawal tendencies which can allow you to get past a potential point of avoidance. Open and honest communication about needs, boundaries, and emotions is also essential in building trust and reducing fear or avoidance in relationships.
And while this will take time, ultimately the goal is to develop new secure relationships with trustworthy, emotionally available people, which can play a big part in gradually shifting attachment patterns more towards the secure type.
Learn more and find a physician or advanced practice clinician (APC)
If you are looking for help managing holiday stress or learning to deal with holiday stress, support is available at Providence Swedish Behavioral Health. Whether you require an in-person visit or want to consult a doctor virtually, you have options. You can also connect virtually with your provider to review your symptoms, provide instruction and follow up as needed. And with Swedish ExpressCare Virtual you can receive treatment in minutes for common conditions such as colds, flu, urinary tract infections, and more. You can use our provider directory to find a specialist or primary care physician near you.
Information for patients and visitors
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This information is not intended as a substitute for professional medical care. Always follow your healthcare professional's instructions.
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